Welcome to my initial blog post, which should be the first of many.
If you are reading this, it means that you are already familiar with my writing, which tends to be heavy on the sarcasm. I hope that, through my posts, you'll be entertained and that you'll get to know me a bit. I sincerely appreciate your interest in the thoughts and stories I've shared and I look forward to receiving your feedback so that I'll know that I'm not just mentally masturbating as I send my words out into cyberspace.
Have you ever wondered where ugly actors come from? There is clearly a great demand for people to play roles that represent people making up a "normal" cross-section of the population. Let's face it, it gets a little boring and predictable to watch a show like Friends, where the vast majority of the characters are physically attractive and every line is followed by a thunderous explosion of amusement from the laugh track. If a writer/director/producer wants to "keep it real", he or she needs to fill the roles of a lot of the supporting and "extra" characters with people who you'd find yourself standing in line with at Wal-Mart on a Sunday morning.
Of course, there are plenty of average-looking actors who can, through the use of make-up, wigs, and fat suits, be dressed up to look a little odd. These aren't the actors to which I'm referring.
I'm talking about people who are empirically ugly - you know, people who fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Some have googly bug eyes or lazy eyes. Some have quadruple chins and tongues that are so fat that it seems, when they speak, like they are trying to retain mouthfuls of raw oysters. Some have wormy lips or fucked up dentition. Some have relatively normal faces, but bizarrely dysmorphic bodies.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be mean. The human race is made up of folks exhibiting the entire spectrum of physical attributes. Brad Pitt and Christy Brinkley are on one end and Senator Jerry Nadler and the elderly actress on Throw Mama From the Train are near the other end. All people, regardless of their physical appearance, have the potential to be smart, loving, and effective. This post should not be mistaken for a value judgment on those with, well, unfortunate outward appearances.
I just figure that most actors get into acting at a young age - probably quite often in school. Most, I imagine, dream of someday being center stage, playing the lead role. How many, I wonder, say to themselves, "Well, I'll never be the star, but I bet I can get a lot of supporting roles if I avoid orthodontic work, gain another hundred pounds, cultivate my uni-brow and ear hair, and decline medical treatment of my Grave's Disease (a hyperthyroid disorder associated with a condition known as exophthalmos - eyes that bulge from their sockets).
Do these folks seek out agents who can find them ugly actor roles, or are they recruited? Can you imagine having someone show up at your door and saying, "Hey, we are doing a movie called What's Eating Gilbert Grape and we need a female actor to play the role of the mother, who is literally too large to get through a doorway. We heard about you and thought you'd be great for the role. If you're interested, I've got a power saw, a piano dolly, a moving crew, and a medium-sized Uhaul truck waiting to get you outta here and take you to the set."
Likewise, does somebody walk up to a goofy looking fellow on the street and say, "Hey, I'm producing an episode of After Life with Ricky Gervais (which is a great show, by the way) and we need someone to play the role of a guy who looks so bizarre that the viewers literally won't know whether to laugh or cry when they see him. Have you ever done any acting? I think you'd be great for the role!"
Who knows. Maybe some people start out as average-looking actors and, as they age, have the misfortune of becoming exponentially more unsightly. Maybe they see that as they become more "attractively-challenged", their acting prospects improve, so they intentionally sow the seeds of homeliness. Anyway ...food for thought, right?
Stay tuned for more insightful, and, most likely, borderline-offensive thoughts about our world and its inhabitants.
Later,
Clyde
